


all again (song one shot)

by mayadrinkswater



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24367924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayadrinkswater/pseuds/mayadrinkswater
Summary: kind of sad one shot about how camila and lauren fell in love but wanted different things. i really enjoyed writing it, though.
Relationships: Camila Cabello & Lauren Jauregui, Camila Cabello/Lauren Jauregui
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	all again (song one shot)

_Frozen in time, / but in my mind there’s no erasing you_

“Hi, I’m Lauren,” The green eyed girl smiled softly at me, “I guess we’re partners.”

I offered an apprehensive smile, intimidated by the other girl. (She was gorgeous, with those bright green eyes and wild but beautiful black hair.)

“Nice to meet you,” I replied politely, “Want to get to work?”

_I toss and turn, / it’s going to hurt no matter what I do_

“I love you,” I countered quietly, not wanting to meet Lauren’s eyes. They’d always led me to a quiet demise, as much as I hated to admit it.

“I know and I love you so much, baby,” She whispered, gently rubbing the back of my hand that she was holding with her thumb. “I just… there are things I just can’t give you, and I don’t want you to be held back because of me. You deserve everything and someone who can give that to you.”

I finally meet her glassy eyes, mine are much the same, “I’ll always love you.”

_I'm trembling inside, no, I can't stop myself from shaking / Even though I, I know you'd take my heart and break it / You'd break it_

“Mila, most first loves don’t work out.” Dinah said, although I knew she was heartbroken as well. She loved Lauren and always thought that we were great together.

“DJ, I know that.” I replied quietly, “She just… I knew early on that she didn’t want marriage or kids… and I stuck by anyways.” Tears fall down my face slowly, but I don’t really notice them much anymore, “I knew that this was going to happen someday.”

Dinah just sighed and wrapped her arms around me in a protective hug, “It’ll be okay, Mila, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, it’ll all be okay. And I’ll be with you through all of it.”

Dinah’s still the best friend I could ever ask for.

_But every kiss and every breathless moment / (I’d do it all again)_

I woke up to gentle kisses being placed against my hairline and a careful hand slowly combing through my hair. “Morning, baby,” Lauren whispered, and I saw a smile played on her lips.

She placed a gentle kiss on my lips before I could return the greeting and asked with a still hushed voice, “How’d you sleep?”

I smiled, messing with loose hair from her messy bun and responding with, “Good once you got back last night.”

Her smile got bigger, and I felt my heart swell at the idea of waking up next to her every morning.

_Trying to make it right, but I know it'll all go wrong / (I’d do it all again)_

“Where do you see yourself in ten years?” I asked, gently playing with Lauren’s fingers. We were laying on my bed in my first apartment. (We celebrated well by tarnishing the new sheets.)

“Hmm,” Lauren contemplated quietly for a second, “Probably a couple more tattoos,” she paused and thought more for a second before adding, “Probably somewhere in Europe. I’ve always wanted to live there for a year or something. Get out of the United States, y’know?”

I nodded, turning my head as she spoke of where she’d visit in Europe for a minute before she turned her head and her bright green eyes stared into mine and she asked, “What about you, Camz? Where do you see yourself in ten years?”

I stared back up at the ceiling, “Hopefully married, maybe a kid?” I hadn’t really thought much about my future aside from knowing that I wanted to be with Lauren. “You know, I think it’d be really great to have a gorgeous green eyed woman by my side.”

She smiled at me, but then her smile faltered, “Camz, I-I’d love that, but I don’t want the whole… marriage and kids thing.”

_‘Cause I can’t lie, / I love you still, for all my life, I always will_

We were with Dinah and Normani with Ally on the way, arguing over a movie to watch. Lauren wanted horror, Dinah wanted a romcom, Normani wanted someone to make up their mind, and I wanted Harry Potter.

Dinah finally grumbled about something and complied to do anything but horror and Lauren complied by saying anything but a romcom, and while I rambled about Harry Potter, I caught Lauren giving me a look.

Thirty minutes later, when we were told to be the ones to distribute pizza, Lauren kissed me and whispered the three words in my ear, “I love you.”

I smiled the biggest smile I had ever smiled and resounded with an, “I love you, too.”

_Even though I know how this story ends, / I’d do it all again_

“We have an expiration date, don’t we?” Lauren asked one night. We had been watching TV when she abruptly paused the show and looked over at me to ask that.

“Lo, we’re not even 25.” I replied, which had been what I told myself whenever I thought about our inevitable breakup. (We’d been pushing it off since we had our conversation about the future.)

“I know,” She murmured, holding me close, “but we do.”

I was silent for a few minutes, just wanting to enjoy her warmth and gentle hold, before whispering out an “I love you.”

_Oh babe, / Remembering when / You made me dance around the living room_

Lauren took her hands in mine, “C’mon, babygirl, dance.”

“Lauren, I can’t dance—“

“Bullshit,” She countered, holding my waist with one hand and taking my hand in the other, “It’s easy, just…”

She led me, pressing chaste kisses to my lips every few minutes as a sign of encouragement. Her smile never faltered, “You’re doing it.”

“I’m doing it.”

_It still makes me smile / I don’t know how to let go of you_

We’d spend nights hanging out on the couch, debating over things like what movies were better and for what reasons or how absolutely useless most of school was and how it never seemed to really prepare you for the real adult world.

They’d carry into the night, sometimes so late that the first rays of sun would start brightening up the sky as we finally stumbled into a bed to go to sleep.

I miss those long conversations.

_But now that you’re gone, I can’t stop myself from crying_

Miserable weeks were spent on the couch, wallowing in the memories of our relationship.

I don’t think she was even in the country.

_I gotta move on, but I’m not strong / I’ll keep on tryin’, I’m tryin’_

“C’mon, Chancho!” Dinah cheered, throwing a fresh blouse and pair of ripped jeans from my closet at me, “You, me, Mani, we’re going out. Up! Let’s go!”

I pulled my pillow over my head, “DJ, I don’t want to.”

I heard Dinah groan at me before my pillow was ripped off of my head, “Walz, we got shit to do! No whining. We’re having fun tonight.”

I ended up complying.

_But every kiss (Every kiss) and every breathless moment (Every breathless moment)_

Lauren ran her hands up and down my sides, “I love you,” she pressed a gentle kiss to my lips, “so fucking much.”

I held her tightly to me, “I love you too.”

We escalated past a heavy make-out for the first time that night.

No regrets.

_I'd do it all again / Trying to make it right, but I know it'll all go wrong / I'd do it all again_

“Have you ever thought about why you want children instead of why I don’t want children?” Lauren retorted, pulling up the other side of my comforter.

“I want kids because I want to carry on my bloodline and I love kids. I half-raised Sofia and I’ve just always wanted to be a mother. Why is that so hard to understand?” I responded, grabbing the pillows that I threw on the floor when I decided to remake the bed and putting them back in their places. “Lo, I want kids.”

“And I don’t.” She persisted, “I just… I’ve never wanted kids. I’ve never had the maternal bug or anything.”

_'Cause I can't lie / I love you still, for all my life, I always will_

Tears seeped down my face, “I hate arguing with you, Lauren.”

Her sad eyes met mine and I immediately felt my heart constrict in pain, “I hate arguing with you too, Camz, I just… I know we’re not going to last forever and I love you so much… it hurts so fucking much.”

“I love you so much too.” I replied with barely a whisper, “I don’t want an expiration date.”

“We have one, Camila.” She said quietly, and although I didn’t want to agree, we both knew that she was right.

But we both wanted so badly to be wrong.

_Even though I know how this story ends / I’d do it all again_

“You’re really smitten for her,” Dinah acknowledged, smiling when I handed her her coffee, “Thanks, Walz.”

“I guess,” I responded, only now realizing how the last year since I met Lauren has changed me as a person and my outlook on the world, “Jeez, D, I’m really in love, aren’t I?”

“Oh, nauseatingly.” She chuckles, and her face softens, “I’m really happy for you, Mila. She makes you so happy and I can tell that you do the same for her.”

Dinah loved Lauren. (And I’m pretty sure that they still talk.)

_And I hate how much (How much) I still love you, you're such a tragedy_

In the early days of our relationship, I remember finding Lauren’s diary open to a random page.

And although I shouldn’t have looked, I noticed it, in her loopy perfect cross between print and script handwriting, she had wrote eloquently about how sad she was and how much she missed being at home and with her family and friends.

(She expressed after two years of us dating how horrible that time really was for her and how happy she was that she met me.)

I remember the tears that ran down her makeup-free face when she talked about it, but she assured me that they were tears of relief; she was finally happy again, she had found her purpose.

I hope that she’s not sad again.

_It's impossible to comprehend this hold you got on me_

“Mami,” I breathed into the phone, my heart pounding in my throat, “how are you?”

“ _Aye, Mija_ ,” She responded before going in a tangent about how my younger sister got in trouble at school for a solid five minutes before taking a breath and responding to the question, “ _Other than that, things have been good, Mija, and how about you? How’s school? Did you find someone?_ ”

“I did,” I responded in almost a whisper, rubbing my clammy hand on my pants. “Mami, I met a beautiful girl. You would love her. Her name is Lauren and she makes me so happy.”

“ _When do I get to meet her, Camila?_ ”

_But every kiss and every breathless moment / Trying to make it right but I know it'll all go wrong (Oh)_

“Camila, I love you,” Lauren prefaced, holding my hands gingerly, “but I can’t keep holding you back. You’re destined to do great things… and live a beautiful life with someone who’s going to spoil you senseless and ask you to marry them under all the stars in the sky and raise beautiful children with you.”

Her green eyes were glassy, and I could tell that she was sad. I was heartbroken, I know that, “Lo, we’re so young. We have time.”

“Camz,” she gently stroked my jawline before blinking back a couple tears (and letting a few escape), “I’m letting you go.”

I thought I hated her for doing that, but honestly, I don’t think I could ever hate her.

_'Cause I can't lie / I love you still, for all my life yeah and I always will_

“What’re you drinking about?” A tall boy approached where I was sitting with a half-drank glass of vodka.

“My girlfriend of three years broke up with me because we don’t want the same things.” I mumbled, just coherently enough that he could understand what I was saying.

His sympathetic brown eyes looked at mine, “I’m sorry…”

“Camila.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Camila,” he offered a small reassuring smile, “if it makes you feel better, I just got rejected by three guys in an hour. New record.”

I gave an amused smile, happy to not be forced to talk more about my feelings surrounding that green-eyed goddess. “That’s impressive.”

“Thanks, Camila,” he grinned, “I’m Shawn, by the way.”

_Even though I know how the story ends_

She left behind her _The 1975_ hoodie.

It’s under my pillow.

She’s not getting it back, but I don’t think that she wanted it back.

Two months after she left, the scent finally disappeared.

That was a miserable day.

_(Baby, but) But every kiss and every breathless moment / I’d do it all again_

“Camila,” Lauren prompted, toying with my fingers as we came to a red light, “will you be my girlfriend?”

I was speechless for a second, which prompted a quick rant from her, “I was going to be super romantic and ask you tonight after the movie or something, but…” her green eyes traced over me, “I just… couldn’t wait any longer.”

I was silent for a second, processing her words, but I responded, “Of course I’ll be your girlfriend, Lo. You’re kind of perfect girlfriend material.”

Right before the light went green, she brought my hand to her lips and gently kissed my knuckles and my heart swelled ten times.

I was wrong: she wasn’t “kind of” perfect girlfriend material, she _was_ perfect girlfriend material.

_Trying to make it right, but I know it'll all go wrong (it'll all go wrong, woah oh)_

“So,” my mother prompted, a curious look etched onto her face, “when do you two plan on tying the knot?”

An obvious tension ran through the room, and I curse at myself for not asking her to be quiet about the whole marriage and kids thing.

However, she seems to not pick up on the cues and continues, “I wasn’t much older than you two when I had Karla.”

Camila can’t tell where her frustration with these statements begin, her birth name (which she hates) being used again or her mother pestering her non-committal girlfriend.

“We haven’t really thought too far ahead, Mami,” I responded vaguely, noticing how Lauren’s hand tensed in mine before she dropped it altogether.

“You should,” my mother berated, “I’m not getting any younger!”

(Can I please note that during this time Sofia was _twelve_? My mother’s kind of insane.)

_I'd do it all again / ‘Cause I can't lie / I love you still, for all my life, and I always will_

“If you take her back, I’ll kill you.” Dinah warned, “That girl was the greatest thing to happen to you until y’all got all stressed over the future thing.”

“I know, Dinah,” I sighed, playing with the cap of my water bottle, “I swear, I’d be rich if I made a dollar every time you told me that.”

“What else are best friends for?” Dinah asked rhetorically before changing the subject, “I’m guessing you want to stay in tonight because you’re lame, so what movie are we watching and can we order Chinese?”

I smiled at her, even if she got on my nerves (which was normally her just trying to talk sense into me when I least wanted it), I still loved her.

_Even though I know how this story ends / I’d do it all again_

“No!” I exclaimed after looking at the boy that Shawn was interested in, “He’s not hot and he probably has a murder house.”

“Why is your impression of every guy either go for it or murder house?” Shawn asked, sipping on his beer, “I swear, you think men are either gay or killers.”

“Some are both,” I pointed out, “Who knows, maybe you’re both!”

Shawn laughed, “I can assure you, I’m just gay.”

I smiled slightly and admitted more to myself than anyone else, “Me too.”

We drank for a little longer, and when I went to get another round, I felt someone tap my shoulder.

**_I'd do it all again_ **

I turned around and saw the gorgeous green eyes and wild beautiful black hair that I fell in love with four years ago when I was a measly college junior.

“Hey Camz.”

Surprise: I don’t think I ever got over her.


End file.
